“Truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.” Doctrine & Covenants 93:24 Last week we talked about the thoughts or the story we tell ourselves versus the facts that are observable and neutral. Once we have the facts, we can deal with things as “they really are.” We cannot deal with our reality if we aren’t willing to face it. Believe me; I’m a pro at this. My spouse left the church within the first three years of our 26-year marriage.
“Truth is knowledge of things as they are, and as they were, and as they are to come.” Doctrine & Covenants 93:24 Today I want to go back to basics. First, let’s start with “things as they are.” Sounds easy enough, but our brains like to deceive us. Our minds are amazing tools that process and do their best to make sense of information. Often we tell ourselves stories to synthesize observations and fit them into the beliefs and concepts we’ve previously developed. In regards
It’s Christmastime. There’s love and joy and peace in the air. The tree is decorated, the nativity scene is on display. The stockings are hung by the chimney with care. Anticipation is everywhere. Except at your house. At your house, you are feeling stress. Your spouse has changed his views about Christmas. You are not sure what Christmas is going to look like in this new situation. You’ve always enjoyed the fun and religious aspects of the holiday, but now your spouse has di
I recently went on a kick and checked out every book in the local library by Wendy Watson Nelson, President Nelson’s wife. I found a beautiful and insightful book called Change Your Questions Change Your Life. It’s life coaching in an eye-catching coffee table book. I ordered it for myself immediately and recommend it to you. You can tell the premise of the book from the title, and as a life coach, that is what I strive to do – to ask questions that will allow you to change y
As members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we teach the value and blessing of paying tithing. We often quote the scripture in Malachi 3:10 about the blessings of heaven being poured out so there is not room enough to receive them. Who would want to pass up on that promise? We share faith-promoting stories of when paying tithing somehow made money last for the month or an ancestor who didn’t lose their farm because they paid tithing. We see the payment of t
It’s Primary Program season. It is a time where many spouses who would not otherwise come to church show up to see and support their children. On the surface, having your husband come to church seems like a nice gesture, but as those of us who have had a spouse leave the church know, “it’s complicated.” You want to be happy that DH is coming to church, but you worry that it will be awkward, or he will be annoyed, or criticize something about the church. Then you get those war
I’ve been thinking about the lies we tell ourselves. It’s a big topic, and I’ll just skim the surface here. I know my brain has been lying to me a lot recently. All the “I’m not enough” thoughts have been on full volume for the last few days, but in addition to the unsolicited “voices in my mind that say I’m not enough.” (You Say by Lauren Daigle) we tell ourselves lies without even realizing it. When a spouse leaves the church, my clients tend to wonder why do I have to chan
Ah, a child filled with joy with his scriptures open! Is that how your home looks? No? Don’t you sometimes wish it would or think it should? In truth, what I hear from many of you is that you feel overwhelmed by the responsibility to teach your children the gospel at home. As a Latter-day Saint woman, whose husband has left the church, you are the only one teaching and living the gospel in your home to start with, and now you are being asked to have a home-centered church
At the beginning of the month, we looked at three tools to make achieving your goals inevitable. Last week we went into depth on the idea of living from your future self. This week let’s talk about how to keep the commitments you put on your calendar. We’ll figure out what motivates you to accomplish a goal and how to create that for yourself. You’ve chosen your goal – the result you want. You went through your “future me” scenarios last week and decided which future you want
Living from your future self is one of the tools I taught last week for accomplishing your goals. I want to put that into practice this week. I’m going to provide you with four specific exercises that will help you choose your future, create the future you want, and trust your future self to be your guide. Take the time to write out these scenarios. It doesn’t have to take long. I took three minutes for each exercise – so 12 minutes total. Getting words on paper creates clari
I decided that I needed to go to the temple this week. I try to go there at least two times a month – usually early on a Friday or Saturday morning. It had been a few weeks, so I decided it was time to go. Friday I was in a funk, went to bed late, and didn’t want to get up to go to the temple. I woke up early anyway and lay in bed thinking about it. Because I didn’t want to go, and my brain was telling me things like: “It will take too long.” “You don’t want to do that.” “You
Often, we attribute our level of happiness or unhappiness in life to things outside of our control – our job, our kids, our spouse, our home, our health. We so often think that it is our circumstances that create our lives and that most are out of our control. We think specific thoughts for so long or with so much emotion and belief behind them that we accept them as “real.” For example: My job is hard.
I have to take care of my children.
I was devastated when she died.
Do you like to argue with reality? For the longest time, I did (and sometimes still do). As Byron Katie says, “When you argue with reality, you lose, but only 100% of the time.” Your spouse letting go of some of your cherished beliefs and maybe even leaving the church are your new reality. You can deny it. You can wish it away. You can pretend it isn’t happening. Our brains trick us into thinking that if we don’t “admit defeat” that it isn’t real. However, the truth is that
“The term ‘transformation’ is frequently misused…to refer to a ‘big change’…Transformation and change are different phenomena…Transformation is a function of altering the way you are being – to create something that is currently not possible in your reality.” (The Last Word on Power, Gross) We see transformation often in nature, for example –a caterpillar turning into a butterfly. We may assume the caterpillar wants to be a butterfly. But what if the caterpillar wants to be